is what I mean

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I have a cousin who was born high in the Indian fringes of Tibet. And because he was born there he was able, later, to enter into seriously enchanted regions normally closed to Europeans.

As misfit teenagers we had a conversation at a family grave site which opened nirvanic vistas for both of us. Leading  him to a monastery and me to a madhouse.

Now he is a Llama of the Kagyu order and I am yours truly  …  fading away …  at last belonging to what I am called to be: one loving oneness and being oneness loving.

This moment. This departure. This arrival. This quiet breathing into heavenly space through narrow gauntlets of awakening sentience. And this greeting of my wounded sweetheart.

All rendered to the high altar of calling answered. Is what I mean.


Posted on January 31st 2014 in Uncategorized

no reason at all

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Whatever this is, it’s not sequential. Sitting by the fire in the  attic,  after an insane day in the pain factory, I am not sure how long ago it was that I sat in the dark drinking chai and getting ready to do a Thursday. In so many moments of this day time expanded and popped, leaving standard baseline like so much rumpled rope after the rope trick is done.

And then there is another range of time, belonging to love and constantly delivering timeliness right on time. As in what we are in.

Certainly what I am in with my beloved in the modest midst of our life is perfectly geared to a crucial yes at the base of all experience.

Without which, sequence non-sequence and nonsense shuffle through an automatic variability program on post-extinction rewind. And with which, we find ourselves meeting where detail may be chosen and where none is required. As with this. For now. As zen-digital pierces sufi-analogue and the heart smiles for no reason at all.



Posted on January 30th 2014 in Uncategorized

only golden

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My story, in all its permutations through all its bio-flickering decades, has been one of gnostic specialness. And now, without needing to come to an end, it’s over.

Well, I wrote those lines in the waiting room of a hospital where my beloved was going through deep testing for the cause of severe inner turbulence. What was found was malignant.

All I know is that her truly deep innerness is only golden.

In the impact zone of this news we look at the time-charts and see reflections and projections disappearing. And then we see each other tenderly unravelling through love story to the quantum heart of love. No story to that.




Posted on January 28th 2014 in Uncategorized

meeting continues

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Last night I was present to such an awesome conversation that this morning I can hardly put two words together. And maybe I don’t need to. Nice way to proceed nonetheless. Needless to say.

Need, with its guilty burden of compulsion, is about to be translated into an entirely new function. Located in a radically new transpersonal sentience. Communicating only deliverance into a real living state of goodness.

OK, having tapped out more than two words … thank you! … where a glowing blankness would have been more eloquent I will close with sharing a little conversation from yesterday at work.

she: look Duncan I have no cane so we can dance. me: good let’s do some arctic-techno. she: what’s that? me: North Pole dancing. she: I don’t do pole dancing, you’re crazy. me: but I am sane enough to admit it. she: so am I! so we are the same.

A few hours later she went into a coma, and our meeting continues.


Posted on January 27th 2014 in Uncategorized

and knackered

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Was in the stone-age today as lucid exhilaration, taking care. Speed changed. And was changed by very human retro-drag running out of stored time. This became not shape-shifting but speed-shaping with outlines of extremely subtle visibility. And exact duration.

As this day recedes into night … womb of shapes … the whole idea of recording meets a smiling vastness of conscious oblivion and begins to move into the dream of detail as newness.

So to bed. Reality-blissed by multiple ultra-fine piercings of old-speed limits. And knackered. So it goes: gone as increasingly unusual.

Posted on January 23rd 2014 in Uncategorized

charming and real

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I don’t have a super-starry social life, but I have many friends … in many mansions … and I find myself constantly in the company of all the love I have known. This is not a finite state,  it increases in ways humble, mysterious and irresistible.

Today’s span may illustrate what needs no illustration.

On the phone this morning with a magic minister (an old friend from days of miraculous mayhem) remembering a dream he once told me. He was in Hell being shown around by the Devil. Everywhere they went the occupants of the realm would fall down quivering in fear. My friend said to the Devil ‘wow, they really are  afraid of you’. The Devil looked at him for a while and said ‘No, they are afraid of you’.

This, in resonance with a recent dream of mine, was confirming of deep announcement of work to be done … the real light work of enlightening lost caverns of the self.  As absolute prerequisite to being real in the limitless ranges of creation. Really friendly.

From there I found myself in the early afternoon visiting my beloved in her crystal cave where I drank kambucha tea and deeply imbibed the goodness of the space in all its subtle precisions. This was a port of call on the way to the local supermarket. In there, going about some fruity business, I met a friend who two days ago had really seen me moments before a profound encounter with truth in warm form. We met in a bardo-bubble of honesty about strangeness in a way most straightforward and direct. When I was checking out of my aisle she came over to me from her cash-out  point and gave me a bunch of tulips for my beloved. Lovely.

And as I write this I have just come in from visiting family-style loved ones who will be flying to India in the morning … ah, the huge golden pull of Mother India … as I bade them fond farewell on the doorstep the air was turning our breathing to frost. So we did a little impromptu breath-weaving on a cold Edmonton night, like holy spirit dancing. Charming and real. Which may as well be the title of this posting.

Posted on January 22nd 2014 in Uncategorized

strange query

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Last night, in the midst of many friends, I had an amazing conversation with my teacher. And this morning, sitting at a long table, under a whirring fan,  surrounded by greenhouse foliage I am delighting in the awesome simplicity of communion. This includes an infilling solitude of subtle radiance.  Which right now is prelude to coffee with an ET grandee … knowing depth and practicing light … and the enjoyment of heart zones where a new language is taking shape.

As I write this I am remembering many moments of surprising communion I have known in the men’s toilet of a certain establishment of higher learning, here in unsuspecting  Edmonton. Last night (that supercharged time) one of them related to this blog. And delivered beaming response to it.

There’s nothing quite like 3D communication as a core to multidimensional activations of informative surprise. Whether in a toilet or a grand chamber.

And as for the grand chamber: what happened to me last night is part of what I wish for one and all. It was and is the deepening of answer to strange query altogether. Leaving this bit of noting happily just where it is.

Posted on January 21st 2014 in Uncategorized

invisible snapshot

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It’s not easy being an idiot. But then again, I am sure it’s not easy being a consummate practitioner of the various arts of presence … and, oh golly, its’ a narrow bandwidth in the general state of human fate … which communicate degrees of credit. Seems that true ease has nothing to do with anything being easy. And everything to do with communication which invokes/invites the amazing fortune of being in true communication.

Where there used to be quaint communion there is now truth-meeting. With royal hugeness of heart extending what it is to that which comes to be: me tapping away for a moment and you wherever you are and all the myriad figments of maybe that serve as quanta in our collective story channel. Which is enough now … at last the maiden cried … for a non-glamorous, thankfully invisible, snapshot of geriatric housekeeping. More than enough, almost nothing.


Posted on January 19th 2014 in Uncategorized

fiendish sudoku

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Continuously through this month there has been an inner refrain informing me that January counts. Like a spontaneous invitation to solve for ‘x’ in a haphazard equation there is something dearly elementary about this, but only as costuming. Of?

Maybe I should ask the dreamy monkey, half-remembering maybe, who showed up in the background this morning as I streamed through a fiendish sudoku with extreme logical charm, bringing patterned movement into a powerfully charged configuration. Of?

What comes to mind are the words of my dear teacher who told me some time ago ‘your settling an ancient bag of monkeys, opens and frees the ancient that you’ll need to sturdy your feet … concerning what your calling is able to span, unworldly, other-worldly, received into what is, within, ancient’.

So, half-remembering ‘maybe’ becomes a little clearer. Maybe there is only one monkey left, solving for ‘x’, inside a January that counts, sudoku-settling into surrender as sheer gift. Of?

And there, for this moment of this, we have it.

Posted on January 18th 2014 in Uncategorized

everything utterly

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It’s a slow motion whirlwind here in the provisional zone of inevitable happenstance. As familiar ground breaks up in the presence of light-splattering partialities laying claim to newness, the eye of the whirlwind projects visioning deep into the archives of false belonging. Illuminating them in most tender shame. Well that’s how it is between a coffee date and getting ready for the next shift in the pain factory. Where the intricacies of human breakdown become ever more bewildering and the value of honesty is irresistibly revealed as  the only real currency in the trades of suffering.

Suffering? Certainly, as in allowing: the dislocation of real treasure from moth-eaten, rusty obscurity to the immediacy of brilliant visibility. Knowing that being blinded by such brilliance is totally remedial, whatever the sensational consequences may be. And that really means whatever they may be … heaven or hell … and however long they last: macro or micro eternities.

Well now, it being Friday ’tis a good day to thank God and be about  gratefully meeting circumstance as more tribute to revisioning everything utterly. So be it.

Posted on January 17th 2014 in Uncategorized